We all have secret fears. This year I stood on a stage and said ALL of mine out loud. Not one person laughed, pointed, or mocked. In fact, they didn’t even pay much attention. Seriously, you know when the crowd is leaning in and when they’re just half listening. So this CRAP I’ve been carrying around and hiding behind (and from) my entire life is like “No Bigs” to them? But I thought they were judging me for it this ENTIRE TIME!!
Fear is a monster under the bed. Get some light on it and it’s not so scary. The brighter the better. Try this:
1. Write down your biggest fear (do it on an itty bitty scrap of paper that you can EAT should anyone come by).
2. Now dig into that and get more real by asking WHY. If it’s public speaking, the ‘why’ could be that you’re afraid people will think you have nothing important to say, or that you’ll look foolish, or that you’ll freeze like you did in the 4th grade spelling bee. Keep going.
3. Ask why a few more times until you FEEL it in your body somewhere. Could be your gut, your heart, a lump in your throat. Now you’re on to something.
4. Write that fear down a little bigger and own it. “I am afraid of _________.”
5. Say it out loud. It’s ok if it is really uncomfortable. If you tear up, you’re doing it right.
6. Tell someone who loves you unconditionally this fear. And if that’s too scary, pay a therapist or tell a stranger on the bus. Just get it OUT of you so some light can get on it. Try this:
“I was reading a blog today that convinced me to do some personal growth. The challenge was to identify something I’m really afraid of, and then admit it to someone I trust. Can we have a BIG glass of wine and let me tell you about it tonight? And if you’re up for it, you can try it too and I promise to be uber supportive no matter what it is?”
7. Get on with life
Yup, it’s that simple. Do it once and then do it kind of often. Bring it up in a coaching session, tell your boss before you ask about career path ideas, tell your kids and role model how you want them to open up to you. The more times, the more light.
Finding and admitting my fear was was the biggest step I took this year. Getting real with myself and my fear. And it IS where the light entered. The day-to-day difference I feel going through life today as a semi-confident person (I’m working on it!) compared to the puddle I was just 12 months ago is shocking and it inspires me to keep going. I didn’t know it was dark, but when I compare it to today’s light, it makes sense.
You’re going to love the light.
